meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
