The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
