I wannas sexs uuuuu
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
