I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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