i need an iv and a liver transplant
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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