Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
