Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
