you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
