i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
