this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
