Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
