If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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