ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
