In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
