i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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