Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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