I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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