We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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