I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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