I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
