I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
