why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
