He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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