He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
