He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
