I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
