If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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