I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
