This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
