Pants 0. Shit 1.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
