i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
