his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
