i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
