is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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