i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
