im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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