I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
