So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's blow job season.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
