I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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