im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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