There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
