we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
