I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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