First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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