My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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