You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
