On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
