i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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