She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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