Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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