I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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