my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
