It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
